Corporal America

So ... here came Captain America : The First Avenger ... with his ... well ... skinny body, at first.

But then ...KAPOWWWW MOTHERF#KEEEERZZZ

By the time, he started parading his muscles around everybody was jumping up and down their seats with excitement. And then ... it came ... the panic mode of Hollywood screenwriters who just spent half the movie building a good story and realized they needed to insert 157 (onehundredandfiftyseven) explosions into the movie as it was expressly demanded by the producers. This resulted, of course, in a complete mess. The story starts rolling around more frantic than a dog who's got a score to settle with his own tail. We get explosions here, fights there, explosions everywhere. Who, how, does not matter, all we want is some freaking EXPLOZIONZZZZ!!!! Yeah ... or something like that ...

Even they don't know what the f@#k is goin' on...

Somebody could have saved the day, and it was none other than Red skull Schmidt.Unfortunately, somebody else was so happy they got "the bad guy from Matrix" that they decided to continually wink at us with this. We get perfect replicas of two Matrix scenes with Agent Schmidt and they never really build the character, probably deciding to rely on the character buildup from Matrix. In the end the character is ... weak ... and very forgettable.

Captain America could have done Great ... he did almost OK ... I'm getting quite concerned with regards to that Avengers movie ...

The Yellow-Brown ... Monster

Starting with Fantastic 4 Silver Surfer, it looks like the shapeless monster came to become a habit in big budget Hollywood movies. They have it more or less in transformers as well, but it did not have until now a clear identity, it was too shapeless... to generic to be truly frightening ... well ... prepare to fear the shapeless monster ... forever...

I was expecting Green Lantern to be a movie about a hot heterosexual guy wearing a green ring and still managing to remain secure about his sexuality ... I was wrong ... it's about a hot heterosexual guy wearing a green ring fighting ... a very bad case of DIARRHEA... in outer space ... in 3D. The huge diarrhea monster feeds from everyone's fear, because let's face it, what could be more  frightening than diarrhea hitting you RIGHT NOW? Well ... I can't really think of anything else that would frighten me more ... except maybe having to go to see another movie as terribly crappy as Green Lantern...

Oh ... Blake Lively is also in the movie ... playing Blake Lively ... and some other guy who's performance consists mostly in screaming like a wimp ... and a bunch of CGI characters that can't act ...

I was expecting this movie to be bad ... instead it was a big pile of green pooh ... with yellow diarrhea on top ... in 3D ... yeah...

Apes will go Bananas

When hearing about monkeys taking over the planet, you can't help but wonder how in the hell would some monkeys ever be able to take out the human population with its superior numbers and technology. Well, even though it has been done before in another monkey related movie, the answer from Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a pretty good one. I hope I didn't just spoil it for anyone back there ... The monkeys launch nuclear missiles with their butts! There ... I said it ...

Other than that, the movie has good acting, often crappy visual fx and the story often wonders in the naivety sector ... very often ... all in all its a decent movie, which is all I can hope for these days.

Watch out, nuclear butt missile coming down ...

Back to the Movies ... again ...

Remember how a few weeks back I was happy about going to see a bunch of movies and playing video games? Well ... apparently it's another movie marathon week, as I should go see the following:

- Raving apes taking over the world;
- Some guy who wears a green ring but still remains confident about his sexuallity;
- Some kind of E.T. remake where he goes bazookas and blows s#it up;
- Another guy, wearing red tights, hoping to finally win America some gold medals in the Olympics throwing challenges;
- A bunch of blue midgets running crazy around Manhattan;
- James Bond, traveling through time to fight aliens with guns from the wild wild west ....for fun

Plus, I really need to write something about this Heavy Rain thing ... it's gonna be a busy busy busy week.

There and back again ...

I just wanted to report that I managed to avoid being eaten by werewolves in Kiskunfélegyháza, where I spent the night on the way to Bucharest. Otherwise, the trip was quite nice, one last journey together man and baboon, it was difficult to part ways but some things just need to happen ...

So, now it's back to sunny Luxembourg, where the weather is really beginning to get on my nerves ...

The long way home ...

This weekend I will make the longest trip of my life by car ... again. The baboon is heading back home and I will be taking on the trip by myself this time.

So ... Bucharest here I come ... 2100Km to go ... whish me good luck. Hopefully I will report in halfway there.

The end of Transformers

Yesterday evening we went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and THANK GOD they said it would be THE LAST from the series, because if I see robots fighting on the highway and robots fighting on skyscrapers one more time my brain will blow up.

Honestly, I don't even know where to start so I will just say that the cast was ... welll ... problematic. You see, we have all the guys from the previous movies coming back, but instead of the already annoying Megan Fox we have the theatrical debut of ... a wooden plank:

I know, without all the makeup it may look confusing so I will try to clear things up by posting some images from the movie. Let's start with the exact same dumb wooden plank look above, only with some makeup on:

We can then go right into the middle of the action with this VERY EXCITING shot:

 

And what I can only assume whas happening behind the cameras ...

Unfortunately, showing off the butt on 500 centimeter heels and in ONE GAZILLION many different outfits didn't help too much ... Quite on the contrary, I felt as if I went in to see Transformers and every once in a while I was forced to watch a VERY poorly acted lame scene from the latest Sex and the City movie.
For CHRIST SAKE IT"S A F-ING ALIEN INVASION!!!! Who wears FIVE HUNDRED CENTIMETER HEELS to an ALIEN INVASION????  ... it was ... unbearable ...

In the other movie I was watching, as in any great Michael Bay movie, the U S of A brave and proud soldiers make another appearance and kick some serious alien robot butt, defending once again this great nation that is America and also in the process saving once again Earth from slavery in the hands of mean aliens from outer space.

So ... how bad was it? ... between watching THE EXACT F-ING SAME robots fighting each other scenes on highways and skyscrapers and watching a wooden plank parade around in fancy dresses on high heels, it was .... HORRENDOUS ...

Infamoused

Part of my games and movies week, here comes my blabbering about PS3 game Infamous.

In the wake of the Playstation Network mega-hack, when 70 MILLION user accounts were compromised, Sony thought it needs to come up with something impressive if it wants to reconcile with all those people that got hacked. So, they decided to offer for FREE to all these people a selection of some of the best PS3 and PSP games available. This is how Infamous and I met ...

The game starts off very well. There is a very very nice feeling of progression throughout the game, as the main character gathers new powers. The "I got the power!" feeling is very intense, especially towards the end when you really can (and surely will) blow some serious s#it up!! Also, during the game you can choose between the GOOD path and the BAD. I chose good, of course (?) and this means that towards the end you have to watch it because you are a mean machine of pure destruction that can really make a LOT of collateral victims... which in the end contributes AGAIN to that whoa I am so powerful feeling.

The story has some nice twists and the one at the very end managed to take me by surprise, which is quite ... surprising.

What I think is the best way I can describe the game is the way I felt after playing it, because as soon as the credits started rolling I thought to myself two things:

I want to play Infamous 2 ... now.

And ... This was cool, I want to play Infamous 1 AGAIN! But this time, I'll squash all those puny pedestrian human beings that stand between me and additional POWER!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The End of Harry Potter

We decided to kick off the week with Harry Potter. So ... our dirty Harry has finally come to an end ... The movie was quite OK, but it does have it's bitty problem.

I seriously don't know who came up with the idea of splitting a movie in two parts ... it sucked for Matrix, and it sure sucks for our Harry, although admitedly not THAT hard. Basically, after the first movie they were left with an epic battle for the second one. Which means that about two thirds of the movie is a big climatic battle. Which makes it quite hard to have a climax ... of the climax. So, in the end the movie feels a bit flat and doesn't really manage to create this BIG moment of confrontation between Harry and the skinhead vandal.

Oh, and remember that mean uber-uvil witch Beatrix that killed Doby, the most lovable character from the entire series? She is killed by ... a mildly revolted old cleaning lady ...?

Otherwise, the movie was OK, 3D looked quite impressive, not very intrussive, story does some twists, some more predictable than others, some more confusing, it was OK overall ...

Myeah ... it's sad to see you go Harry ... you had only just begun to manage to keep Andreea awake ...

Back to the Movies

After quite some time without movies, we have decided to come back strong this week. We will start off with Harry, continue with Transformers and finish off with something quite special, Heavy Rain, the incredible PS3 game-movie.

I'm soo excited ...

What's even better is that we will go to the movies riding the donkey, which after 1 year and a half of struggle is FINALLY hittin tha streets of Luexmburger!! yaaaaaaaa!!

P.S. Yes, that amazing trooper on the left is part two of my incredible birthday gift!