The Facepalm d'Or 2013

I've been to Cannes recently ... and if there's one thing I learned there is that if you want to hand out awards you should do it during the summer. So I have decided to keep my current awards as a kind of Oscars and to create a new series of awards. I give you:

The FacePalm d'Or

I know ... it's AWESOME, right?? And so, it is with deep honor and pleasure that I present you the first ever winner of my soon to be prestigious award!!

Fast'n'Furios 6 ... or whatever it's called these days ...

This scene was beyond ridiculous ... I face-palmed .... literally and repeatedly ....

To be continued ...

Star Trek: A new Hope

I was anxious going to see Star Trek: Into Darkness. And not because I'm a Star Trek fan, but because I'm a Star Wars fan. Well ... that might be an understatement ... let's just say I can tell you the last guard in the Leia rescue fire-fight is not killed by a direct blaster hit but a ricochet ... I've watched the whole scene many many times ... in slow motion ...

And my dear friend JJFAbrams, who did not impress me at all with his first Trek effort, has been selected as the next Star Wars director ... yikes!

The good news is that JJFAbrams somehow managed to pull the thing off! I don't know if it was just a result of my microscopical expectations but the movie was not bad at all. There were some pretty good space scenes, some good old phaser action, Vulcan paralizing moves and someone actually mentioned of the Prime Directive ... it was a proper Star Trek movie ... which makes me feel a whole lot better ...

We may get a new Star Wars movie after all ... there is hope ... a new one...

Slightly Busy

Sooooooo.... My complete lack of blogging has come to an end! I was a bit busy with chaos at work and also reading a couple times all the books up there and a couple more. Regarding the books, at least I have something to show for it now, as I managed to get a PiMP certification. Regarding work ... not much to write home or blog about...

But that's that, and I declare open a new age in blogging! YEAH!!! Hurrah for self-motivation!!!

I shall double my efforts ... soon...

Iron Man goes down ...

For the past week I haven't been in the best of moods, but still, I was expecting to be at least mildly entertained by Iron Man 3. Unfortunately I was not ... It is a complete and utter mediocre movie, full of twists you see coming miles away, lacking any sort of suspense and completely deprived of the witty humor Iron Man had before, in summary ... a golden polished drop of pooh.

There's so many stupid things leading to nowhere going on that I don't really even know where to start ... his anxiety attacks that lead to nowhere, how an army of unstoppable superhumans have nothing better to do but to blow stuff up in order to ... to ... nothing? ... the way 1 million suits appear out of nowhere after he plays MacGyver during the whole movie... the big middle finger you get shown after waiting for the end-credits scene ...

Besides being just boring and stupid most of the time, what bothered me the most was that it looks like someone decided to take upon himself a mission to prove that you don't need a Joker or Bane in your superhero movie for it to be memorable ... That someone should be tarred, feathered and let loose naked screaming coocoodoodledooo in front of Christopher Nolan's house. The way they butcher the Mandarin character is simply unforgivable ... I'm sorry but it just isn't ... it's not funny, it's not smart, it's not anything except utterly stupid.

I'm really sorry for RDJ, he tries to save the day, but even he cannot help Iron Man from pummeling into the ground on this one ... it looks to be doing fine in the box office though so better luck next time maybe ... the only way to go is up...

Tati

11th Jan 1928 - 27th Apr 2013

Petrolhead Paradise

Speed ... Do you like speed? Yes? You may think you do ... but do you REALLY? I'm happy to report there is a place on Earth, where you can find out. It's called the Nürburgring Nordschleife.

The 21 Killometers track in the North of Germany has quite a few turns as you can clearly see in the image above, but what you cannot see is that there is a 300 meters difference in the elevation of the track, and that is ... well ... a LOT. This means that you're never really going straight, not even where you have the straights in the pic. The track is continuously climbing and diving and this leads to a quite astonishing number of blind corners, meaning that you either don't see the corner coming, or that once in the corner you have no idea when it will end and how... it's quite scary ...

I have been there before and almost peed my pants while driving it, so, naturally, I have decided to go again. For this time, however, I have decided to leave the driving to professionals ... and what better professional service to drive you around the track other than the famous BMW M5 Taxi?

Three people get to go, and the extra available seat went pretty quickly to our friend J, who is as well a hopeless petrolhead and Nürburgring enthusiast. He also owns a fine fine track machine, a classic 993 Carrera prepped and ready for action:

First up, it was the M, and, lucky us, this fine gentleman mentioned in the copyright section of the photo below caught us as we were plunging into the Karussell:

I kept trying to find the words to describe the experience we had in the M5... I could say it was fast, very fast, crazy fast, incredibly crazy fast, but it wouldn't really cover it... So, instead, I'll just say it was OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG ... OMFG. I could add a couple more OMFG's but it wouldn't quite cover it either. The way this car accelerates and then sticks to the corners is something very difficult to imagine. With the right guy at the wheel, it is a MONSTER, a car that makes no compromise, devouring tracks for breakfast and chilling in luxury when it is finished  ... you have to witness it to believe it.Which is just what I am encouraging you to do... Whatever plans you have for the near future ... just cancel it right now ... get a Taxi ticket and hold on to your internals ... they will be squashed together in ways you cannot imagine....

But back to our day, which was not even far from finished. After around twenty minutes of coming back to our senses, we decided to go at it again, this time in the Porsche. Some fine gentlemen owning the copyrights to their photos have caught us on camera and here are some of the photos:

Driving around with J was a bit more ... enjoyable. We did the track in around 9 minutes so it was still quite fast and tons of fun, but it didn't call for a group hug between all my organs followed by a very sudden argument where they each go their separate way. As for the 993, it is just a beautiful machine, fast, extremely well balanced, progressive, predictive. It didn't come at all as a surprise to me, but I was very impressed just how good a car that's not really brand spanking new can be when the owner knows how to maintain it and what he should be doing to it.

After a couple of laps, we were ready to go home. A. fell asleep around nine ... but she was really the hero of the day ... I am quite a lucky man.

I kept wondering this Sunday why they call the Nürburgring the Green Hell because for a hell-lot of people it's Paradise ... addictive Paradise ...

The Place before the Pines

You know that place in the woods where some people make friends or others will take you to shoot you dead? You'll get there sooner or later ... or at least this is what The Place beyond the Pines is telling you. So beware ... best thing is not to kill anyone  ... or make friends ... you can start with that. And while you're at it you should consider not messing around with corrupt police officers ... or the mafia ... or people who rob banks ... or bears ... cause bears live beyond the pines ...

But enough blabber, back to the movie ... It was quite to my taste, a pretty good reflection on life, choices and so on. Kinda like To the Wonder, only not crappy... kinda slow and long, but I didn't mind ... as long as I'm watching Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes or Bradley Cooper.

Now I only have to sort out how I'll ever be able to drive to the woods again ...

To the Nowhere

Apparently this ... "movie" is just coming out now in the States. If you plan to see it ... don't ... just don't...

just 

don't

Why? Why, you ask?? Because this movie is freaking UTTERLY BEGUILING ... just read the poster ... and I have no idea what the heck that means ... which reminds me of the movie itself ... why ... why?? This is the correct question: WHY? ?

Beguiling

utterly

trust me on this one

no sense

Zi Terminaiter

Apparently not nearly enough people have watched the Terminator movies... Or maybe the army guys went "This is so freaking COOL" five minutes into the movie and stopped watching before it becomes quite clear that they will kill us all ... All they need to do now is to teach it to say "I'll be back" and they're set.

If anyone has a plan for whatever follows I'd be very grateful to be included on the survivors list... please let me know ... 

Thanks in advance, 

scared shirtless hopefully future survivor

Springtime?

Is a photo of a lunchtime snack in the park worth blogging about? Considering we've been going through 6 months of winter, I'll say Hell Yeah!!! Post it on the news, call CNN, spring might finally be coming!!

I am, of course, freezing my butt off...