... step into my garden

Monday, November 9, 2015


Remember Quantum of Solace? You know ... the crappy Bond movie? I guess some bigshot in Hollywood saw it, thought it had potential and decided to do a remake.

 - Mysterious organization that is infiltrated everywhere - CHECK
 - Said mysterious organization chooses not eliminate the only few people that can bring it down - CHECK
 - Leader of said mysterious organization has his hideout very well hidden in the middle of nowhere - CHECK
- Bond manages to find this extremely well hidden location and blows it to smithereens - CHECK

Add a couple of scenes around these major plot points and you've got yourself the new Specter. Unfortunately, said scenes never truly connect and the result is ... tragic ...

There's this opening scene, a helicopter takes off in the middle of a huge crowd. Bond jumps on board and decides to kill ... guess who ... the pilot! Get it? ... cause he's flying the helicopter ... above the crowd ... still don't get it? Me neither ...

There's this scene with Monica Bellucci, which A called a disgrace to both actors and to cinematography itself. There's no chemistry, no real reason for anything going on to really happen ... What the hell is going on?

There's this scene where 2 amazing cars race around Rome at night. It sounds awesome but it's ... missing something ... hmm ... what's the name of that thing again ... ah, yes, it's called ... SUSPENSE

There this scene where a big guy comes into a room and kills another guy. Who's the poor guy getting killed? Why was he killed? OK, I get it, the big bad guy is, like, really bad ... but ... what the hell is going on?

There't this scene where people shoot Bond in order to kill him. Then there's this scene where another guy tries to kill him. Then there's this another scene where we find out that the bad guys didn't actually want to kill him ... What the hell is going on?

There's this guy who goes all around the world by the name of Bond James Bond. When he's not shooting bad guys or jumping off collapsing buildings, he's banging chicks left and right, but ... still ... when he finds the right girl, he falls in love in an instant ... like ... really?? wth?

So following in the newly established tradition of every 2 Bond movies sucking, Scpecter is nowhere near Skyfall, or even Casino Royale for that matter ... Farewell, mr Bond James Bond ... hopefully next time your story will make a bit more sense....

No comments: